Adoption is a life-changing journey for both the adoptive child and the family, but there are many aspects of the process that often go unspoken. Before starting this journey, ensure you’ve gathered all the facts.
Here are five things nobody tells you about adoption – but that you absolutely need to know.
Bonding May Take Time
You might think that the moment your adopted child comes into your life, you’ll feel an instant connection. While this happens for some families, it’s not always the case (and that’s perfectly okay).
Bonding is a process, and it can take weeks, months, or even years to develop a deep connection with your child. This is especially true if your child is older or has experienced trauma in the past. You may encounter behaviors or emotional walls that make it difficult to build trust at first, but patience and consistency go a long way.
It’s best if you don’t pressure yourself – or your child – to rush the bonding process. Instead, focus on creating a stable and loving environment where trust can grow naturally. Whether it’s through shared activities, consistent routines, or just being present, you’ll gradually build a meaningful relationship.
The Legal Process Can Be Complicated
Adoption involves more than just finding the right match – it’s also a legal process that can be complex and time-consuming. From home studies to background checks to court approvals, there’s a lot of paperwork and bureaucracy involved.
One aspect that surprises many prospective adoptive parents is the potential for legal disputes. As attorney Rowdy G. Williams explains, “Most adoptions are done with the written consent of both natural parents. However, the other natural parent can object, and this otherwise joyous time can become quite stressful and contentious.”
To work through these challenges, you should partner with an experienced adoption attorney. They can help you understand the requirements in your state and manage the paperwork. Your attorney will also help you address any unexpected obstacles that may come up during the process.
It’s an Emotional Rollercoaster
Adoption is filled with highs and lows. One moment you’re excited about expanding your family, and the next, you’re dealing with delays or uncertainties that test your patience.
It’s important to acknowledge the emotional weight of adoption – not just for you, but also for your child. If you’re pursuing an open adoption, you may also need to navigate the complexities of maintaining a relationship with the birth family. This can be emotionally rewarding but may require careful communication and boundary-setting.
Closed adoptions, on the other hand, can bring their own challenges, particularly when your child starts asking questions about their biological family. Preparing yourself for these conversations and emotions will help you provide the support your child needs.
We suggest surrounding yourself with a support system of friends, family, or adoptive parent groups who understand what you’re going through. Talking to others who have experienced adoption can also provide a helpful perspective.
Adoption Is a Financial Commitment
Many people underestimate the financial investment involved in adoption. Depending on the type of adoption – whether domestic, international, or through the foster care system – the costs can range from a few thousand dollars to tens of thousands.
These expenses often include agency fees, legal costs, home studies, and travel expenses. Additionally, you may face unexpected costs, such as medical expenses for the birth mother or specialized care for your adopted child.
While this can seem overwhelming, there are resources available to help offset the financial burden. Many employers offer adoption benefits, and there are federal tax credits for adoptive parents. Research your options and create a realistic budget to prepare for the financial aspects of adoption.
Flexibility and Patience Are Key
One of the most important things to understand about adoption is that it rarely goes according to plan. Whether it’s a delay in paperwork, a change in the birth family’s decision, or unexpected challenges after placement, flexibility is so important.
For example, the timeline for finalizing an adoption can vary widely depending on your state’s laws and the specific circumstances of your case. While it’s natural to feel frustrated by delays, it’s important to stay patient and trust the process.
Adoption is a journey, and like any journey, it comes with twists and turns. By remaining adaptable and keeping your focus on the end goal – providing a loving home for your child – you’ll be better equipped to handle challenges as they come.
Is Adoption Right for You?
Adoption might be something you want to do, but you have to ask yourself whether or not it’s something that’s right for you. Want and fit can be two different things. With that being said, adoption could be a perfect fit for your family. If, after considering all of the factors, it becomes clear that this is the best path forward – pursue it with everything you have!
Read more:
5 Things Nobody Tells You About Adoption